The crap thing about motivation is that you can’t rely on it. You can’t really conjure it up.. it can hit at inopportune times and evaporate when you need it. . So if you have it run with it. And if you don’t?  PUSH.
Inbetween goals and projects is a thing called life that sometimes just needs to be done seperately.
I felt like I was pushing for a really long time and I took a full year doing nothing but existing, floating..living.. and I needed it so badly. When I came away from that to push, motivation was nowhere- absolutely nowhere- at all and I pushed until I ran myself down and I stopped.

One aspect of myself is that I am so incredibly lazy. And sometimes things come to me easily which reinforces my lazy behaviours and habits.
If I think about it, its a sin to blessed with easy success and not harness that fully but I’m working to that.
My point is so far this year I have had these goals that I have wanted for a long time and yet I have not been putting in even a pinch of work for it. But I have mentally pushed myself. Reminding myself repeatedly that my actions are what matters and that I need to walk the walk or shut up.

We all work differently and that’s how I work until everything clicks and when it clicks… it fucking CLICKS.

Tonight it clicked πŸ‘‘


The Next Version


You are literally fighting with yourself when you try to make personal improvements. You are fighting your comfortable mentality, your previous choices, ingrained habits. You are going against your own grain and it can throw you into a confused state where you question and doubt yourself.

Every mistake you make make more than once becomes a choice and a habit that dictates a pattern to the next decisive moment.

So don’t be disheartened when you fail a thousand times over.
Failure is always an option. It is the most readily available and popular option. Success is the rarity. So expect to fail but fight for the win. Never expect it to be easy.

Life will most likely throw some curve balls your way, but this is what happens.  Everything changes and you need to bounce those hits and keep those eyes forward.
Nothing worthwhile comes without sacrifice. See these challenges as the the obstacles that they are, as an indirect consequence of your actions rather than a victim mindset of the world trying to take you down. When you use this perspective you maintain control over your actions, your stress levels and your feelings.

If you are tired, rest, but never quit.

This is a Sign!


An amazing Periscope broadcast.

Toxic relationships. Ive been there. This was amazing to hear being on the free side and I wish I had heard it years ago.

So I am sharing this wisdom. If you are unhappy, if you are mediocre, if your are undecided or constantly unsure this is your sign.


Follow Ilyssa on Periscope @ohilyssa or Insta @ohilyssa
This needs to be shared in high school. We need to hear this early in our Iives.

Fear and Mindset

β€œFear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.”

-Cypher RaigeΒ 

After Earth had this amazing quote spoken by Will Smith.

Everyone fears.

My biggest fear is heights, or so I tell everyone. That is a pretty reasonable fear as heights can pose a very real danger.

But really sometimes my biggest fear is the same as millions of others of people and that is fear of being judged. So here I am preparing to get on stage with nothing to hide in allowing, asking, people to judge me aesthetically and I am going to prance around with such confidence and still say that I fear it.

Insanity!! But maybe this is why I want to compete. To take ownership back from those fears. To break past that boundary so it is not a fear anymore.

You can react to fears in many different ways and I am using mine to drive me to achieve something that I am uncomfortable about and to set a new standard of confidence and accomplishment for myself- regardless of the result on the day.

Own your fears, they are your choices.

8 weeks to go.

Update 6Feb

A quick update on current events.

Now 8 weeks out from INBA.

Posing advice and practice coming through thick and hard. I am really trying to embrace the ‘Fake it until youΒ Become It’ attitude- due to work roster tomorrow will be my first group posing for nearly a month so we will see how well I can fake it with an audience again. Its cool to rock it in your home half naked and another to do it at the gym with 4 wall mirrors.

I feel I am coming in on track for April but just trying to keep myself focused on everything at this point and not worry about the end day.

My bikini order is in with Lovelee Swimwear and I cannot wait to get my order!

It looks as though my event will be hosting a one-piece category so I am looking to order from All4Me but I am going to look at swatches with friends first and talk to the event organiser to get a better understanding of the category (judges looking for personality or promotability etc?) then I will have an idea of how I want to look.

I have online posing coaching with the wonderful Skye at EdenFitΒ I really encourage anyone to join her coaching online, she knows what she is talking about! You will learn a lot more than just posing.

Otherwise I am just busy with work and study. Each Unit I swear I wont be in a rush to hand it in but so far it hasn’t gone this way…. maybe by my last unit! This month has already started on such a high as far my ambition goes I need to really pull some extra action out for everything I want to achieve. So excited still for this year!

Enjoy some of my sketchy first poses. Lets see how much better I get -(hopefully way better!)


8 weeks out is still considerable time but already I have the coaches asking me who I have organised for hair, makeup, tans, how is posing etc.. geez! The official event info went up this week so now I can look at organising these things in the next week or so. Going to recruit some friends tomorrow morning who are competing and see what we can organise together for the day.

Part of me is feeling daring enough to try and hair and makeup myself, but the sensible side is wondering how I will cope with that on the day, and how I will feel if feedback comes back that I looked like a clown?

Body Composition Update

I will never be one of those people who denies the truth, I wont sit here and say I did my best if I did not.

October 28th 2015 I got a body scan at the start of what I planned to be a prep, a transformation. I got back the results and they were alot worse than I thought and it shook me into a downward spiral, a mental funk that I just could not shake.
I was inconsistent at gym and my diet wasn’t close to what it should have been.
I always advise my friends to be prepared and I didnt prep. I just knocked stuff up and I failed. I had returned to old habits and they flared up.
I also had holidays which went well until I returned and the good old orphan Christmas hit hard.

But I am ready now. I am now planning to enter INBA in April and I am ready.
Today I had another scan this time with zero expectations as I just wanted to know where I am so I can set realistic expectations. No mind games or disappointment.

Far from it I now feel equipped for the next 11 weeks!!!
It won’t be easy. It won’t come without resetting my old habits again but I am ready to take that head on and I have so much support.

I have the scans here for comparison! In about 10 weeks with an average diet and inconsistent exercise I have still made some achievements.

October 28 2015


Total weight 63.7kg with 29.9%body fat and 42.97kg lean mass. Most fat in my legs, bum and thighs.

January 15 2016


Total weight 62.4kg with 25.9% body fat and 44.6kg lean mass. Still carry most in my legs.

Loss of 1.3kg
Loss of 4% fat
Gain of 1.62kg of muscle

The fat around my organs has also dropped (while overall bodyfat is important where we carry it is a huge health indicator! Women typically hold more fat in their lower body. Visceral fat the fat in your torso and in your trunk shouldnt be too high so loss in there is good! This why we care about our waists other than looking for abs!).

For 10 weeks of not applying myself I am pretty pleased. I am pleased to see where I am and able to set some goals for this new prep.

INBA 2016 I am coming for you!!!

Year of Focus

More self reflection!
I feel this is the year I will be learning and exercising focus.

I am a daydreamer. Always have been. I could spend hours alone with my thoughts, inventing scenarios that would never happen, exploring a life I could make for myself and deciding if I like it or not. Replaying the past.

I love novels for this reason I can imagine the characters the whole world that a book will tell you about whether it is fact or fiction.
This is why there is outrage when books and movies dont match up! We are so invested in our imagination that the wrong actor will shatter our world and enjoyment.

However this isn’t the most productive trait of mine. It has it’s time and place but it means I can perform alot of tasks with partial attention and this isn’t getting me where I want to be as efficiently as possible.

I want to practice focusing on the present moment instead of mentally being elsewhere.
I really feel this will be a year long goal but something I can acheive and succeed at. I havent made any self development goals before, I have just observed my progress afterwards.

I plan to start and finish each day with an intention and to remind myaelf periodically of this intent to keep on track.

I am hoping it improves my memory as well as I have the most shocking memory of all time!

So there it is. . My theme for this year.:)

My Blog

Ive been spending a lot of time reflecting on the past two years and coming up with new plans for the future. I spend alot of time doing this most days anyway, always asking myself what I want.

I grew up in a rather close minded household and my plan was what I was told and witnessed at church.
Grow up. Get job. Get married. Have kids. And a bunch of religious goals for that was how I was raised.
I was terrified of having kids so my only variation was to try and delay that part.
But that was the golden plan.
No bucket list, no big dreams. Blissful ignorance.

Breaking free from that was a process and there was a lot to unprogram. Now I feel that I am reprogramming. This is so exciting to me, so crazy. Im free to do whatever it is I choose. I have shaken free the thought that there are expectations. I didnt grow up with a passion and if I did I lost it early.

We get told to dream big and follow our passions. That it is hard but worth it.
Well its harder to do that when you dont know what that passion is and you have no dreams.
I thought that to myself for awhile and then I heard a role model say it in an interview and it was hard to hear.

When you have some drive but no dreams you are lost, a bit hopeless.

So my goals and dreams change all of the time and I am pretty happy with this for now because with each day I get knew ideas and they open up another world of possibilities.

I have always been open to spontaneity and taking risks.

This period of letting myself explore, ponder and dream is going to invent the best life. I just need some time to grow and dream to find that.

I think this is the purpose of my blog now. It’s really just for me.

Happiness Success

I wanted to share an amazing video I came across this week.
Jada Pinkett Smith never ceases to amaze me. I believe she is a very balanced and educated woman and I love catching her interviews and projects!

The video below was about being a mother and a wife, however her answer took a very different turn.

I felt peaceful watching this because ir ia soemthing I have learnt and developed over the last 18 months. I know it is something I would have needed to hear back then so my hopes in sharing this now are for those who need it now, and for those who dont it may be a gentle reminder regardless.

2016 Fitness January Challenges

Alright who made a resolution to get fit but didn’t plan anything as yet?

Set the foundation immediately! Join me in some fun challenges this month which could fulfill your resolution or just be some extra activity.

Challenge #1 is the January Yoga Challenge. No mandatory poses this one is just about being consistent with daily practice! This is perfect for those who just need to get up and do it and make a new routine or habit. Money is donated to TWLOHA for depression and suicide prevention and support by the two hosts! Details for this Challenge are found on Instagram by either host @kinoyoga or by #practicepracticepractise

Challenge #2 is Gymnastics Method 31day Handstand challenge. Details at their website HERE sign up to get the email on the instructions!

Lastly this month Bodybuilding.com is launching their 12 Week Challenge. No payments made. This challenge is a beauty as you can do whatever you want there is no set plan. There are plans available should you be stuck or want to shake things up. There are several winners too- the 2 main winners, peoples vote and weekly winners! Registration closes January 10!

Mine will be uploaded shortly!